Your strengths influence your internal dialogue during client sessions (and this is a good thing.)
Strengths are the natural talents we all have and which really shine when we put them to good use. Everyone has them, but it's a game changer when you actually get to know yours and start applying them deliberately.
When I discovered my top strengths in 2019, it was a lightbulb moment. It changed how I saw my journey as a coach and gave my confidence and style a big boost. That's why I began helping other coaches figure out their strengths, along with their values, skills, and personality.
It's now a crucial part of my practice, regardless of the audience.
I use the Clifton Strengthsfinder, part of a toolkit called YouMap®, which pinpoints 34 talents and puts them in order based on your answers to an assessment.
My leading strengths? Relator, Activator, Ideator, Maximizer, and Adaptability.
I've had a new insight about how these strengths can influence a coach's thinking during their sessions.
Imagine a client who's feeling stuck and unhappy at work, unsure about what to do next and how it's starting to affect their life outside the job.
Now picture this client meeting with five different coaches one-on-one. They all start the session the same way, but it won't take long for each coach's unique approach, shaped by their strengths, to guide the conversation in different directions.
And these coaches, each with their own set of natural talents, will have different kinds of internal conversations during these sessions. It's crucial for coaches to moderate their own thoughts while staying fully engaged with the client, and I believe their strengths play a big role in this internal dynamic.
Here are those five coaches, their top strengths, and what their inner dialogue might look like during a session:
Coach 1: Analytical
"I notice they're focusing a lot on feelings, but what specific factors are driving those feelings?"
"I really want to say, 'let's look at the data,' but I need to be sensitive to their emotional state."
"I'm curious if there's a pattern here that we're not seeing. Patterns always tell a deeper story."
"I wish I could just show them a graph of their career satisfaction over time. That would make things clearer."
"It's important to break this down logically—how can I guide them to do that without overwhelming them?"
Coach 2: Activator
"They need a push. I'm itching to tell them to just start something new immediately."
"Oh, I really want to challenge them to commit to action by the end of our session."
"I can see they're stuck, and it's frustrating. How can I ignite that spark of initiation in them?"
"I wish I could just let them know that it's okay to take a leap—even a small one."
"They're overthinking. I want to redirect this energy into a concrete, immediate step forward."
Coach 3: Empathy
"I feel their pain deeply. I want to take a moment to really acknowledge their feelings."
"Oh, I really want to say, 'I understand how hard this is for you,' and I think that validation could be very comforting for them."
"They need empathy now, not solutions. I have to resist the urge to fix things too quickly."
"I wish I could just let them know they're not alone in this."
"Their emotions are so raw. I need to tread gently and make sure they feel truly heard and understood."
Coach 4: Achiever
"I'm eager to dive into goal setting, but I need to pace it to their current state."
"I really want to outline a plan of action—it's hard to resist jumping straight to that."
"Achievement is the key. I need to instill this mindset in them, even subtly."
"I wish I could just transfer some of my drive and determination to them."
"They seem overwhelmed. I want to break it down into smaller, more manageable achievements."
Coach 5: Ideator
"There are so many creative paths we could explore—why stick to the conventional ones?"
"Oh, I'm bursting with ideas for them! But I need to let them find their own inspiration too."
"I wish I could just open their mind to all the possibilities out there."
"They're in a rut. I want to say, 'Let's think outside the box together.'"
"Innovation is the answer here. How can I guide them to see that without pushing too hard?"
I doubt that any of us would say that one of those approaches is better than the others. They all bring something special to the table. Each one has its own kind of beauty, offers solid support, and comes from a genuine place of wanting to help.
But the reason this really hits home for me is that I've worked with many coaches who've been told, or just assume, that there's only one way to coach, that you've got to do it "right" or not at all.
So imagine, they step into a session, and suddenly they feel this urge to do things their way, which feels natural but doesn't quite fit the mold they've been taught.
It's no surprise they start second-guessing themselves.
If your true style, the way that taps into your own strengths and talents, feels at odds with what you've been told is "proper" coaching, wouldn't that stir up some doubts? Maybe even make you hold back a bit?
It seems like trying to stick to these so-called rules could really keep someone from giving the best help they can.
Have you ever felt like the way you want to show up for a client is somehow wrong?
What if doing your best work means breaking a few rules? How would you feel about that?
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